Every Night
by Chainlinks
Summary: Dib wakes up to find an unexpected robot visitor. Slash, crack


Author's Note: Well, I did it! This is for you, The Letter M, just to prove that it was possible! This is a GADR, as she put it. Not a DAGR (Dib and Gaz romance). This is a GADR, a Gir and Dib romance. Thought it couldn't be done, didn't you!? Well, this is just to say HA! to everyone who thought that.  
  
Every Night  
  
The little robot swung his legs from his perch on the window sill, his cyan eyes glinting merrily in the dark as he hummed the tune "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". He kept his eyes trained on a figure in the shadows of the room, his attention never wavering, a strange change from his usual personality.  
  
The shadow suddenly stirred. It was Dib, jarred awake from some sort of nightmare. His face ghostly pale, his hair laying flat with sweat, he reached for the glasses that lay on his bedside table. He blinked blearily a few times before slipping them on. He started at one corner of the room and slowly scanned the room, as if to assure himself that he really was alone. His right hand was inching towards the bat that lay next to his bed. He wasn't a sports fan by any means, but his father had bought it as a Christmas present one year, before he'd given up on trying with presents. It did come in handy for nights like this, however, when the shadows seemed to hold more than their usual junk.  
  
Dib's eyes locked on Gir and he stiffened. Where Gir was, Zim usually followed. Usually screaming in fury, but followed nonetheless. "You." he whispered.  
  
"You're beautifully when you sleep. Prettilicious, too." Gir chirped.  
  
"Thanks." Dib said warily. He decided to use the direct approach, as that usually worked with Gir. "Where's Zim?"  
  
"Master's at home sleepin'. He's not as cutefull when he sleeps. You make piggy noises!"  
  
"I snore." Dib corrected, blushing.  
  
"Snore like a pretty piggy!" Gir told him, bouncing off the window and landing in Dib's surprised lap.  
  
"Uh..." Dib was at a loss for words.  
  
"Hey! Did you know robots don't sleep? I knew it! I did!" Gir said happily.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"So every single night I came to watch you sleep like a pretty piggy!"  
  
"Uh..." Dib didn't know what to think. Gir had spied on him? While he was sleeping? What sort of horrible, evil plan would Zim use his information on his snoring habits for? "Wait... Does Zim know you're here?"  
  
Gir giggled. "Nope! I snuck out while he slept like a silent moose!" Gir made a face. "I like piggies better than moosies."  
  
"Uh..." Dib was once more at a loss of words, an easy thing to do at three a.m. when faced with an insane robot.  
  
"You smell like a cupcake!" Gir exclaimed. "With a hint of rainbow slushie! Wow!" Gir laughed, moving closer to Dib's body.  
  
"Thanks?" Dib wasn't sure if this was the proper response, but the little robot didn't seem to care.  
  
"And you're soft and cuddly, too!" Gir hugged Dib tightly, launching them both backwards so that Dib was thrown onto his back, head on his pillow, Gir on top of him.  
  
"If you're trying to distract me from Zim, it won't work!" Dib told Gir, though he made no move to remove the robot.  
  
"Oooh... I'm not doing that! Nope! I wouldn't." Gir pouted for a moment, tongue sticking out, before looking up suddenly. "Hey, Big-Headed Boy? I have a question!"  
  
"My name's Dib."  
  
"Hey, Dibby-Dib? I have a question."  
  
"You're impossible... What's your question?"  
  
"I forgotted it. Wait... It's coming to me... Oh... Aha! Are you ticklish?"  
  
"N-no." Dib stammered, though he'd never been good at lying with a straight face.  
  
"Liar, liar, pants on water!" Gir began tickling Dib fiercely. Dib began squirming and giggling, pleading for Gir to stop. Gir just giggled back. "Ooh, I knew it!"  
  
Dib reached out with one hand in a desprate attempt to tickle the robot. He succeeded. The robot had no nerve endings, and even if he'd had some mechanical equivelant, there was no way he could have been given a flaw like being ticklish. But Dib still succeeded, and Gir began laughing hysterically, like some insane evil scientist. His head began spinning like a top, and Dib looked mildly worried. Gir began screaming, a loud, shrill sound.  
  
Dib panicked and slapped a hand over Gir's mouth."Shhh! You'll wake my sister, and trust me, you don't want that." Dib remembered the last time he'd woken Gaz up this early -- he hadn't been able to breathe properly for months! And the staplers... Oh, the staplers. Staplers haunted him to this day.  
  
Dib waited until Gir stopped giggling before removing his hand. Instead of bursting into another fit of loud noises, Gir pantomimed zipping his mouth closed. He sat and stared at Dib. Dib was shocked. Not even Zim could get Gir to be quiet. "You can whisper. Quietly." Dib said, unnerved by the robot's silence.  
  
"Today, I was watching a tv show. Guess what Joe said to Ashley?" Gir whispered secretively.  
  
"What?" Dib asked, unable to guess.  
  
"He said, 'I only loved-ed you for the sex!' What's that mean?"  
  
"You're too young to be told." Dib said uncertainly, even though he had no clue how old the robot really was.  
  
"But I'm not! Please tell me! Please? Please, pretty piggy?"  
  
Put off by the pet name, Dib blushed. "Hasn't Zim ever told you about the birds and the bees?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"Erm... Then... Uh... It starts with being kissed, usually..."  
  
Gir's eyes lit up -- well, they were already lit with that glowing cyan light, but they seemed to spark a little brighter. "I know what a kiss is!" he exclaimed, and, pleased to share his knowledge, he swept Dib into a tender kiss.  
  
"Like that." Dib agreed, shakey. He was stunned. Robots weren't supposed to kiss that well, were they? Especially not insane ones that seemed to mess everything up for their master. And how was it even possible that metal could feel so soft? Gir didn't even appear to have lips, so how could they feel like velvet? The kiss itself hadn't been like the few others Dib had experienced. Not uncomfortably hot and sticky and wet like the others he'd had with girls. This was like gulping liquid ice, a shock to the system, a delightful surprise.  
  
"Sweeter than taco meat." Gir said appretiatively. "What happens next?"  
  
"Uh... Sex is between two people who love each other a lot..."  
  
"I love you! Really, I do, Dibby! More than slushies, even! Marry me! Do you love me too?"  
  
"I... I... You're a robot!" Dib stammered, for lack of a better reply.  
  
"I knew it! You hate me! I'm so unloveded!" Gir cried, though Dib noticed he was still whispering, still obeying Dib's command of quiet.  
  
"I like you!" Dib blurted, not wanting Gir to be upset. "More than I should, considering your a robot. An alien robot. My enemy's robot."  
  
"Ooh, I love you too! Let's have sex!" Gir kissed Dib again, but Dib pushed him away, looking halfway scared, half uncertain.  
  
"No! It's when two, uh... things... Robots, people, whatever... Get married... And then they want a baby... Or fun... But whatever it is, it doesn't happen until they're older than we are!" It was more guesswork on Gir's age, but the robot would be too insane to notice, right?  
  
"I like babies and I like fun!" Gir protested.  
  
"I can just picture our baby now:" Dib said drily. "A metal child with my hair. Gir, we should wait before having sex." That came out awkwardly, so Dib reworded it. "What I meant was, uh, not that we were going to, but hypothetically, if we were going to have sex, we should wait..."  
  
"It's okay, Dibby, I know how you feel!" Gir said in a tone that suggested maybe he did understand. "That's okay! I'll keep on lovin' you forever! Even if a giant shoe salesman comes to sell me a velcro pencil, I'll still love you! Even if he tells me not to!"  
  
Dib smiled. It was profound, for a robot who literally had junk for brains. "Thanks, Gir. It's getting light outside. You should probably get home before Zim notices you're missing.  
  
"I'll see you tommorow!" Gir called before leaping out the window, turning an accidental loop-de-loop.  
  
Dib blew him a kiss.  
  
Gir caught it. 


End file.
